Braving the West End - again

After the disaster that was the Man behind the Iron Mask, I'm back on the road to redemption, and I'm confident that I would have made it all the way to salvation if Rob Lowe had not drenched me in spittle (Mrs B got very jealous of my 'Rob gob' experience). I had managed to secure front row tickets (aside 1) for "A Few Good Men" which is the best play that I have ever seen (not counting Mrs B playing a goat(aside 2), or when she got praised for her excellent Welsh accent whilst performing as a Liverpool bus conductress. Her heart went out of acting at this point , which was the Tadworth Local Amateur Dramatic & Local Luvies Society's and, I truly believe, the world's loss).

Rob Lowe in the Tom Cruise part was excellent, but could have played the roll a little dryer for my taste. Even Karen Macdonald (Steve's ex Mrs from Coronation Street) produced a fine performance, equal to Demi Moore herself (without having to resort to hanging around with people half her age, although If Keira Knightley wishes to hang around with people twice her age, there will be no complaints from me, I am after all still attempting to find, and possibly fight, my Mid Life Crises), while the male prison guard out of "Bad Girls" did a very creditable Jack Nicholson impression. An excellent evening all round, despite being mugged in broad daylight by an NCP car park, I thought I was renting a space, not purchasing the whole damned place.

I had also hoped to bring you a report from the ICE bar in London (aside 3), but I was not up to two muggings in one day, £12 to get in with a maximum stay of 45 mins (aside 5) so we went to the Apple store instead. What an experience that was, hundreds of homeless twenty year old somethings wondering aimlessly round the place with their lap tops and ipods, fantastic. Now here's an idea, stop wasting all your money on electrical goods and alcohol and start saving for a deposit for a home.

-----Tune in next week for more BlackLOG Historical---

There is a "so to speak" live BlackLOG available, which gives a more current picture of events in the Black household.....
































(1)The jury is out on front row seats at the Theatre. On the one hand, you are right in the thick of it, facial expressions, tears, sweat and spittle (I have been assured by an amdram type (not Mrs B, I might add) that if you don't produce spittle while speaking on stage you ain't getting the diction right) can all be clearly seen, heard and unfortunately felt. Theatres could go a long way to improving the plight of their front row guests if they provided towels and waterproofs. I certainly would not attempt seats in the front row of any really energetic musicals, well not without a bar of soap and a rubber ducky.(Return to text)
Mrs B was amazed that when ever she was in the front row, no matter how much she drank, the jug never seemed to empty....









































(2) I believe it was a draw, but Mrs B went down 4:1 in the replay. You don't often get second chances against goats, uncompromising little devils when they want to be... (Return to text)
Not exactly goats, unfortunatly I don't have any picures of goats so these will have to do











































(3) I can't help but think the owners have missed a trick, from what I have heard all you get is plain ice walls, they should have taken a leaf out of the Hard Rock Cafes books, but instead of having rock memorabilia on the walls they could have had frozen celebrities (aside 4) actually in them. Now that would be cool. (Return to text)

Mrs B tries out for the Icewall....






















































(4) No, not just any old celebrity that they happen to come across. I'm talking about the ones who have signed up for cryogenics. Although on second thoughts, they could use anyone who freezes on stage more than twice - a sort of "three strikes and you're in the ice wall" policy. (Return to text)

Not wanting to miss out, our friend Mitch attempts to join Mrs B attaching himself to the Icewall







































(5) If I had paid that sort of money to go in, I would have demanded the right to stay there until I had frozen to death. (Return to text)
Mr B and I getting ready for a visit to the IceBar

Featuring midlife crisis & a West End Theatre disaster

Midlife crisis
Having reached forty I decided it was time to indulge myself and show some outward signs of a midlife crisis (other than writing a Blog). The first obvious thing to do was rush out and get a Mini Cooper convertible. Despite driving in a period that you need a secured bank loan to just pass a petrol station let alone stop and put any liquid gold into the car, it has been great fun. Even driving with the roof down in temperatures (Aside 1) that are less than appropriate and will probably result in moving my midlife crisis back to my early twenties, has not been enough to dampen my spirit.

West End Theatre disaster
I treated Mrs B to a night out at a West End Theatre (Man behind the Iron Mask), in the mistaken belief that if the show has made it to the West End it can’t be that bad. I now know that this is simply not true, how could I have guessed that the writer had put up £500,000 pounds of his own money to honour the dying wish of his wife that the show should have a run in the West End (Aside 2) I can only surmise that either she wanted him to go broke, making it harder for him to find a replacement for her or was suffering from some dreadful wasting disease that impaired her judgment (apparently she saw the potential that the show had. Those must have been some powerful drugs she was on when she read his script; I bet most of the audience could have done with some to null the pain). It felt like we had been trapped in a timeshare sales conference and the only way to make it out alive was to sign up for every one of the hard to shift properties on their books. Following what felt like the purchase of 64 weeks of strictly non-transferable accommodation, we were released onto the London streets, stripped of all dignity and lacking compassion for dying old ladies with judgement issues.

Breaking News
McG caught a mouse, which, for those of you who have followed his life story will be aware, is somewhat of a miracle. It would not have surprised me if it had been frozen and wrapped in a Tescos’ shopping bag, but fair play to him (Aside 3) he gets the credit for his first kill in nine years. I felt pretty bad swiping it off him, but it was worth it when I presented it to Mrs B who gave me an extra helping of cream and a rub behind the ears, although it took weeks to get rid of the taste from my mouth.......


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(1) I have seen a number of brass monkeys kicking spherical objects along the road, all of whom have refused lifts unless I put the roof up.

No brass monkeys here, although some people can't believe that
I have the balls to wear the hat and goggles
- All I will say is "They keep me warm!"

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(2) Run is not really the appropriate term; It was more of a stumble to be honest.

Mrs B attempts a run worthy of "Man Behind the Iron Mask"....

(3) Without forensic evidence proving that it had been handled by a number of other animals of a feline persuasion, indicating McG had got it on the "cat market".

McG & Mischief - Rare photo of them sitting together,they
normaly get on as well as Celtic & Rangers fans........

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